my best friend - an essay.

 today is a new day.

today i will not talk about how i feed off my sufferance of people.

today i will not talk about the rage.

today i will not talk about the monster i am and my apathy towards people.

today i will not talk about how i made a monster of people i have loved.

today we will talk about nice things. like nala. nala was a gift on my fourteenth birthday. the year i used to have bangs and unhealthily dependant relationships with people i did not know. for me at that time, restriction was a cynical snicker of encouragement.  of inability. 

oh i apologise. i have gotten comfortable with the negativity. i must revert  to nala. 

when nala grins, it is a happy grin. it is a grin baring all her teeth and drool and it makes you happy. it sparks that humanity in a human devoid of it. nala was very small when i first got her. her face was sooty. and when she closed her eyes she looked like a chinese baby. with humongous ears.

once when she was small, i dropped her from my arms. the usual pre adolescent mistake. she was terrified, and i never realised how scared she must have been. as a child, far away from familiar, far away from her mother, her brothers, her sister, her scents. her trust scared me. she came to me a little petrified, a little doubtful. something so small, and so weak trusted someone as huge and different. it felt very powerful of her.

i like animals because for them, trust is invaluable. nala trusts me with her life. she needs me to trust her with mine. nature is extraordinary. it surpasses all our human complications in more ways than one.

i wanted to call nala puchi. poochi ? puchi maybe. i used to really care for this street dog. maybe it was because i named him. naming is a very intimate ritual. puchi was really beautiful with his brown eyes and white and creme fur. he was very, innocent. all dogs are. 

puchi puchi puchi !

a happy dog parts from his barking pack with a wagging tail and that huge happy grin and his big floppy ears.

pooooochiiii aww poooochi ! i bend down and sit with one knee up.

puchi puts his paw on my knee. 

i giggle with a girlish excitement. what a child. i sit on a rock, puchi sits next to me. i ride my bike, puchi sits with me again. puchi tries to enter baba's car. baba is mad. puchi is a street dog. i get disappointed. puchi is my friend i say.    

after a while puchi left. i dont know where he went. i was sad about that for a while. puchi was special. puchi and his head rubbing. 

i later got to know that puchi has been adopted. maybe puchi did not like the cat i hung out with. 

poochi. poochi ! i call again. no wagging, no running. i wait. i wait.

 -

i think a lot of my gallery is just nala doing funny stuff. there's nala in a baby's frock. there's nala in butterfly glasses. in normal glasses. nala with her tongue out. nala in a bou outfit. nala with tongue in. nala's butt. nala in a nappy. nala without a nappy. nala with a rainbow. nala rolling on the ground. baba using nala as a calf exercising weight.

as i said, a lot of nala.

she is very beautiful. contrary to what people might say. (people suck)

nala is a very respectful person. most of the time she eradicates any sign of the existence of toys shes been given. but she understands and processes the word no. unlike most of us. she doesnt touch anything i tell her not to. i like nala and her good behaviour. 

i like her head tilts a lot. and the side eye glances. and the violent head rubbings on the lep. 

i miss you poochi. you wouldve loved nala.

i dont think ive had better friends, really.

                                                        (unknown. i really liked this painting)